So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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