battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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