The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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