I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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