they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
