i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
