BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
