I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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