What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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