i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
