yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
