So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
