by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
