Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
