So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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