Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
