I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
