Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said her name was "party"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
