you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
