did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
