I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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