how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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