Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
