i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
