This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
time to smoke my breakfast
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
