I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
