maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
