I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
