so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
