Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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