You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
