I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
