How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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