just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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