I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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