So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
