it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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