I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
