i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
