I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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