Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
