Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize