I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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