her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
