You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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