flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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