im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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