we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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