I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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