...so i touched it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
