If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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