I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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