I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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