My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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