My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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