So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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