I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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