fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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