there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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