Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
