I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
FUCK WHALES
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
