Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
