Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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