Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
