there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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