I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
