If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
