Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
