barbara walters just said penis...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
