Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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